Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
My cousin and I used to do this in our letters of love and longing.
THINGS I LOVE:
physical exhaustion, voracious reading of books, listening to the rain, sleeping without dreams, nice pens, brunch, last minutes, long solo drives on familiar roads, burying myself deeply in bed, water, the future, shooting the shit, kicks, real life surprises, being fucking weird, escaping, climbing trees, chain smoking, staring at the sky, 11:11, managing my monies, changing the rules, spring, deep night, cake, sleeping in, slowly drinking coffee, the saturday paper, abstract concepts, naps, being lost, beers and nachos and wings, a good story, floating in the bathtub, freshly cut finger nails, forehead kisses, my hat, silliness.
THINGS THAT UPSET ME:
the words turd (100%), anywho(90%), whatnot(40%). Quitting. just missing the bus (i.e.: disappointments). Not sleeping. Self imposed insanity. routine. pointlessness. fools. complainers. myself. worrying. bragging. without social grace. micro-management. advice. gum stealers. closing the bathroom door when I shower. dealings before 9 a.m. screaming. plans. the wind. socks.
Monday, November 23, 2009
You must stop trying to die.
We (your family) won't have any of it.
We insist you get out of intensive care.
So you can have chemo.
And live for 60 more years.
We will except nothing less.
Your Very Serious and Older and Wiser Cousin,
(PS: heads up universe, make way)
If you die of a heart attack* shopping this Black Friday, I will be pissed. Just so you know. (But make sure you keep the receipts for everything you buy so if in the event of a fatale MI, I can return the stuff and get things for me--or just take the cash.)
Love, Your Caring Daughter
*my mother was released from the hospital TODAY for chest pain (on an arsenal of don't-die-now drugs), so she can go to Maine tomorrow for American TG which really is all about: Shopping the outlets--sometimes I think we are related.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
1. reading before bed (Lady Chatterley's Lover)
2. a good night's sleep. (=seven hours and no night time roaming the house)
3. And bigger boobs (a full A cup! maybe). I hope I'm not dying.
*4 diet ginger-ale.
(I actually feel pretty good, well, except for the seething rage.)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
While coming home from white hot chocolate on a Sunday afternoon:
Dexter: I've been thinking a lot about dying lately.
Me: oh? and what were you thinking?
Dexter: what it feels like.
Me: while, I don't know what it feels like. I've never died before.
Dexter: well duh, you're standing right here!
Me: I was making a joke hahahaaaaaa....So what do you think it feels like?
Dexter: like slowing becoming someone else.
Me: So you think we live again?
Dexter: yeah, the next generation is us after we die.
Me: Well, my little Buddha, that is called reincarnation.
Dexter: Well that's what I believe in. Can I play on the computer when I get home?
Phone: hello? hello mommy??
Phone: I was wondering if I could have a brownie??
Me: well, dinner is almost ready but yeah, sure go a......
Phone: eruptions of screaming excitement from children too numerous to count.
Line goes dead.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Last night I dreamed I was super pregnant. And like any horrific nightmare, I got my logical brain involved, rationed how it was impossible, and that when I woke up (and please woman, open your eyes, open your eyes!) I would not be pregnant.
But the thought of going through another childbirth and toddlerhood is still haunting me.