Thursday, April 30, 2009

Today's Motto

It's just money, after all. 

(Things emily can do but won't do after the 2009 tax season: accounting, book keeping, taxes -- she says as the 11:59 p.m. tax deadline consumes her.)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Happy Birthday Neville

Five years ago today, I was fighting my way through labour. The fight was dirty. The fight was mean. Until 12:40, Neville's Birth Day is all I'll be thinking about. 

Today's Motto

Seriously. I'm really not worried.* About any of it. 

*For all those out there who are losing their shit.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Things Found

Outside the MTL derby arena. 

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Last week's stats

Milk: was definitely a good choice (on St. Viateur).
Number of:
couches slept on: 3
times I didn't get caught speeding: 12
neurons recorded from: 16
grants for next year obtained: 1
times I was hit on by women: 8
transgendered people that talked to me: 3
poutines that saved my life: 1
St. Viateur Bagels bought: 12
personal revelations: 2
outrageously beautiful days (read: HOT): 2 (1 per city)
times a wrong turn was taken: 4
party dresses purchased: 1 
work days skipped: 4
arabic lessons: 3
french lessons (trash-talk only): 1
fancy Toronto party invites: 1
nightmares: 5
times cake was eaten: 0 (boo)
naps in random places: 2

Friday, April 24, 2009

Things Happening

I'll be going away all weekend long to be with my fabulous brother. Sans my "normal" life. Sans my "normal" funtimes. Sans it all. I really hope I don't go blind (and believe me, there is a real chance of this). Read: I'm likely going to blow my mind.

MTL Roller Derby. Definitely NOT for sissies

(Try not to be too envious Dad.)

Things clarified

6:45 a.m. this morning while trying to "nuggle" with me:

Me: Lew, you are WILD 

[he was using me as a slide whilst playing peek-a-boo and "nuggling"]

Lew: No, no. I CRAZY

[His eyes glowed ever so softly]

And the "Hurricane Gene"* lives on.

* My sister was dubbed "Hurricane Jane" as a toddler. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Things found

I need one of these. (That would be an actual horse with actual laser beams shooting from it's eyes.)

Dear World

Thank you for existing: you know, for life and rainbows and water coolers and baby dolphins.  

That being said: fuck you and all your fucking bacteria and viruses (virum, vira? I only got a pity B+ in latin remember). I know that some of them are "good" and "keep us alive" but all those asshole ones? Yeah, the gastrointestinal ones? Don't look so innocent and beautiful world. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that make my kid barf all over everyone five minutes before he is to be picked up from daycare? Just in time for the workers to see and ban me and my kid for TWO DAYS? (Two fully paid for non-refundable days.) Not to mention, the complete and near absolute probability that I too will be barfing exactly when I plan on taking myself to Montreal for a roller derby funtastic bonanza with my brother? Yeah those ones: can suck it. I know I'm sounding a little hostile and angry with you world, for inventing and mutating such things on a constant basis, but really? Two goes in one year? Sigh. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I hope all of your volcanoes erupt at the same time, your oceans boil and your ice caps COMPLETELY melt. So there, HA HA, Look who'll be laughing then!


Today's Motto

Productivity is for suckers, sissies, and communists. 


Being an exaggerated version of myself. 
(I blame over-caffeination and extensive exhaustion.) 
A little bit blurry, slightly distorted, and maybe not really there.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Today's Motto

Why do it yourself when someone else can do it better

Friday, April 17, 2009

How to: Pack for a trip when you're two

"Lewis, fill this bag with toys you want to take....Okay, so you've got:

One parachute guy
Three lego pieces
One robot
Four sticks
One pair of rubber boots
One book on trains
and one inflated balloon?

Okay then, let's go!"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

How to: take a chance

Tomorrow me and three boys do an International trip to visit our cousins. I won't lie: it's going to be ridiculous. Sixteen hours of driving, roughly 48 hours of visiting, four little boys, and all of us related to Ed Pilla (Pop). Well, Son of a bitch! 

On our way to school yesterday while discussing the up and coming trip, Neville and I had a debate: if Cousin Eliot (who is also two) and Lew got in a fight who would win? His bets are on Lew because: 

a) Lew is strong
b) Lew is an experienced fighter
c) Lew eats a lot of food

T minus 24ish hours until we find out! Look-Out Pittsburgh (and Eliot): Here we come!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Insomnia. I have to wake up in...four short hours. Awesome. I can't wait. It's going to feel incredible. I just know it. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Easter: in an eggshell

Lew secretly and systematically ate everyone else's chocolate/candy. Everyone cried.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

How to: Have a sausage party

Nine boys and me. The amount of masculinity in my life is ridiculous. I won't lie: I love it. I've always thought that boys have more fun anyway.  
Making rocket ships

A puddle of sausage

Lew: Chillin' with the balloons.

Buddha says: WTF? (Poor guy is looking a little constipated lately.)

Things said:
1. Take it downstairs to the "fighting room"
2. Whoever is screaming like a girl: cut it out.
3. My god I need a pickle (me)
4. No kicking wieners
5. Wow kid! you can kick yourself in the balls...that's....awesome?...(fuck).

Things found

Yesterday on my way to somewhere: Noah and The Whale.

This makes me so happy I pee rainbows and want to smoke some stupid cigarettes.  Times 100. And then all over again.

(Please never invent a drug to cure whatever disease I've got.)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Happy Birthday Dexter

Today Dexter turned Seven. So we had cake for breakfast. And Lewis barfed.*

*It isn't a party until someone pukes.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Today's Motto

Bullets:  "Shout Through the endless doubt"

Sunday, April 5, 2009

How to: be cool

Dexter's Tag: he writes it on anything, every chance he gets. And if left long enough, he'll elaborate: "you poopt." 

This today in the sand, at the playground. Ten frowning boring grown-ups send disapproving stares while shaking their heads, no, no, no and shielding their babies' eyes. Me and five people under eight laugh hysterically.  Some of us even lost control of our legs and might have fallen down (just a little). Yes, it may have been me and yes, my children are charming.

How to: do extreme sports at home

His favorite hobbie: riding the stairs. At least he wears his helmet.

"It's Scary" he says. No freakin' kidding.

Going for his "sharp and pointy riding stick."

Things found

Two kids playing bedroom-frisbee. Dex is yelling "duck this time Neville, duck!" Lew is learning to tie knots and open windows.

Caught "green" handed. 

This Weekend's Motto

"Every woman needs a friend with a laser. AND a well-fitted bra."