2. Be so good show up an entire day early at the wrong place.
3. Be even better and "plan ahead" by planning to arrive at venue before the conference (at 8 a.m.). Show up at work to pick up poster. Spend 15 minutes walking in circles (and saying Fuck a lot) because poster has vanished. Realize garbage man threw poster away.
4. Be lucky and find garbage man who says: "yeah, I got your poster, but sorry it's a little....mushed." Dig through garbage. Find poster! Unfold and attempt to smooth out poster. Drive to conference. Arrive late.
5. Be a salesman and spend 30 minutes selling my poster (read: not talking about my science but telling my story)
6. Win $500 for "Best Poster."
The moral of the story: you can be an idiot and still be a Winner!!*
*There is something so wrong with this world.