Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Best Christmas since 1984: there was true santa magical belief, family (my sister and the german), too much food, spontaneous socializing, merry music making (two guitar playing germans), alcohol fountains, sleeping in, staying up, card games, snow storms and street play, a big party (new year's eve), lack of routine, a real christmas tree, and on top of all of that, the discovery that topical application of honey to zits, helps them go away.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
1. forget you have any.
2. leave it to the last minute to "remember."
3. Lie about what is expected of you.
4. fake a sickness: "isn't it more important that I rest 'cause I'm sick than I get my homework done?" then wince, grab your side, collapse (on the side of the road), and say you need to lie down (project due in less than 24 hours).
5. draw all over your hand instead of on your paper.
6. insist that doing the minimum is just fine, thank you very much.
7. make your mother pour herself a drink from the stress of it all.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I love my son. I just hate what he does sometimes. I've had a 1.5 to 3.5 year old (definition of a toddler?) for years (5-ish maybe) with no breaks, and I'm ready to move on. I'm not joking.
Behaviours I've had enough of:
1. Screaming: Frustration screaming. Deafen you in one ear cause you've thrown them over your shoulder to save their lives screaming. Silence a party while everyone turns to you and your wild out of control child screaming. Everything is mine don't touch it screaming. I want everything that you have screaming. Life is so unfair I think I'm dying/you're murdering me screaming.
2. Compulsive coloring: With anything on anything. Pen/marker/pencil vigilance is at its all time high. On our newly painted walls and couch with permanent marker hurt me the most.
3. Constant spills of all liquids during each meal.
4. Diapers: the diaper change and how the desire to get it done rests only with me. The constant striping of ones clothes followed by diaper and if I'm lucky, oh if I'm lucky, poop smearing. His recent habit of taking his clothes/diaper off during the night and peeing all over his bedding. So charming.
5. The trashing. His ability to empty all containers (schoolbags, purses, clean laundry hampers) and hide their contents. His little fingers are excellent at opening zippers.
6. The wrestle: to dress, diaper change, shoe, car seat this toddler; the unwilling I've-got-a-wasting-muscle-disease-and-am-totally-limp collapse; The "I Refuse to DO THAT cause I've Noticed you're Arms are TOO Full to Drag Me" Tantrum.
7. Trouble making: his near-genius ability to find Trouble in any room and Get Into It. Thus the need for constant shadowing and limited blinking.
8. Complete lack of rational. There is no explaining to these humans, no "don't you understand? If you eat/do that you'll get worms/AIDS/killed!"
9. Food all over the house. It's as if he's leaving a trail to find his way home.
10. Assholes who comment: "you'll miss this, Believe ME, you will" (Living with an insane terrorist on speed? Just watch me not)
Right now the little wildabeast is eating a slab of dark chocolate.
Only one year to go.
Friday, December 5, 2008
What should I do (please, I have absolutely no drive to decide on my own):
Real tree versus Fake tree?
Real tree pros: it's real and smelly and it's realness is its fun-ness cause it's real fun to have a tree that's real. And fun. And disposably fun and real-ly disposable.
Fake tree pros: it's fake and it's clean and it's not real so imaginary? Like santa: so, in the spirit? meh. But it's clean and plastic-y and plastic-y clean and storable and reusable.
Someone told me they hate people like me (or potential future me), who buy fake christmas trees. So there is also THAT to consider.
Note to all four yous: we used to have a little living tree as our xmas tree until I neglected it to death last year. (Asshole score: 6/10).