On my mind.

Craving #3457, 3458, 3459

A couch to flop on.

A TV to stare at.

Someone to make me dinner.

Tooth Ferry

As discussed over snack yesterday, after inquiring how Dex's loose tooth was doing, we have three working hypotheses as to the nature of the tooth fairy:

1. The tooth fairy is an actual fairy. But as Dexter pointed out, fairy's don't exist so...

2. The tooth fairy is a super good person who gives money he/she's found, comes to the door, rings the doorbell and is let in (Dexter's idea)

3. The tooth fairy is a boat (get it? See title). 

Number three was Neville's contribution. What a little punster.

CURRENT KICK #4567

All coffee/alcohol diet. 

No hyperboles necessary

How to move in 10 easy steps:

1. Decide on Saturday that you'll move on Sunday. Sleep in on Sunday.

2. Drink a quart of coffee, make pancakes, and turn up the Bob Marley tunes.

3. Have a reggae dance party.

4. Finish digging the trench in the backyard. Tap into septic system, create river of sewage in backyard. Give up and Walk Away.

5. Try to eat all the food in fridge for lunch. Discover milk of broccoli cereal is really fucking gross. Wonder why this didn't occur to you before you decided to try to eat it.

6. Miss a boat (first car to NOT get on). 

7. Take a nap.

8. Say fuckit, leave the island house a mess, grab our back packs and catch the next boat. Feel a microsecond of sentiment. Get over it. 

9. Eat out: notice that child number three is only wearing a plaid shirt, diaper, and one rubber boot. Start trashing the joint like rockstars when the food takes one too many minutes to arrive.  

10. Discover: New house has no hot water downstairs, no cold water upstairs, a completely plugged kitchen sink, a layer of drywall dust still on everything, and that Neville has a raging fever. 

Am shocked that my eyes feel they are going to pop right out of my head. Laugh it off. Like a wild animal.

Wishes

I wish I could say that we've successfully moved to our new house and spend all of our now free time stolen from boat rides doing things like making gourmet meals and sitting around with relaxed smiles on our faces. I wish I could say that I found a pot of gold. I wish I could say that I know what I'm doing with my life. I wish I could tell you that I've done all the work I need to do and am On Top Of IT. I wish I could say that I've been going to the gym everyday for four hours and that my abs are so strong that I have to buy new shirts cause they keep ripping out of all the shirts I own. I wish I could claim my diet is nutritionally sound and didn't consist almost entirely of Tim Horton's meals (our national coffee shop). I'd love to be able to claim I didn't get drunk last night. Or eat one too many free veggie burgers. I wish I could regale you with stories of self composure, cool and calm. Or a semblance of self-control. 

But alas. I cannot. And fuckit. I'm okay with that.

Postcards from my vacation

Dear _______,
I'm having a lovely vacation here on the fourth floor of Crainy Hall. Everyday is very comfortable: weather never happens (it is climate controlled and there are no windows), there are no people as this is not a well known vacation destination, and the sensory deprivation room (the back office) is Perfect for long afternoon naps, as long as the chairs don't drift too far apart. Yesterday I ate all of the left over food in the communal fridge (thanks Stu for the 5 day old perogies!) so even my "dining" costs have been kept to a minimum. I've been working on my abilities to pass the day away and accomplish Absolutely Nothing. Thursday was a record setter when I actually decided I was too disinterested to use the bathroom! That was a good day. I will be bringing you some lovely trinkets: a bag of dried rat shit, some bloody syringes, and a pile of used paper towel. You can thank me later!

Well, just wanted to let you know that Yes, I'm still alive but I've been away. On my vacation. I'll be back sometime next week. I hope.

later skater.
e

Nova Scotia in the summertime

5 things I learned on my NS wedding journey:
1. I can sleep for 3 hours and then drive for 16
2. That I can talk non-stop for 12 hours
3. That my crazy amount of energy/mania is most certainly inherited (from my grandpop to my mother to me)
4. My family can throw a mean party (some said NS was better than Amsterdam)
5. There are three kinds of biting bugs in NS at the end of July: no-see-ems/mosquitoes/deer flies

5 things I did on my NS wedding journey:
1. Made a wedding cake (who knew I could do that)
2. Climbed a waterfall, stared at the starry sky
3. swam naked
4. had a spoon fight
5. slept on the floor, in a Uni dorm, and sometimes, if I was lucky, a bed

5 things I ate on my NS wedding journey:
1. donair pizza!
2. lobster
3. poutine
4. schnitzel
5. HAM (thanks Pop)