CURRENT KICK #456

Acts of Extreme Girliness.

The evidence:
1. a nail painting session which gave birth to an obsession with nail care.
2. a makeover: Smashbox reps at the drugstore did my make-up.
3. unnecessarily complicating my drink order at Tim's.*
4. paying to get my hair cut.
5. Saying shit like: "Oh my god, I'd love to go wedding dress shopping, giggle giggle giggle!"

6. Having the urge to watch "The Notebook."

I'm beginning to hate myself. I'm going to go watch some Rambo and drink too much beer, and eat steak sandwiches. Well, as long as the beer is "light" and the rain stops so my blow-out isn't ruined....(JUST JOKING! sigh)

*"half coffee with half hot chocolate and a little bit extra milk?"

Things found # 1

on the interwebs:

"OLIVE JUICE"

your mouth spells it out

I blurt

"i love you too,"

but I spoke too soon

all you said was...

"olive juice."

5:45 in the a dot m dot: the naked snooze button

Dirty faced and nearly naked

Lew: [exiting his crib and running to my bedside] "BOOM....boom boom boom boom boom."

Me: "For the love of everything holy child, it's not morning. Go back to bed."

Lew: "Peee, diaper, peeee"

Me: "huh? OH CHRIST WHERE'S YOUR DIAPER? ack, huh, what are you doing? Get off my head! You're naked!"

Lew: "Nuggle? Me Nuggle?"

Five seconds later.....

[pulling at my arms and pulling the blankets off of me]

Lew: "MAMA! GET UP! Breakfast, breakfast. MAMA CEREAL."

Me: "GAH, just give me five minutes..."

Repeat until 7 a.m.

Today's Motto

Everybody needs a tank.

ACCIDENTAL KICK #780

Acts of public nudity.
I answered my door twice this week while seriously under dressed. Which begs me to explain myself to the guests: "I'm sorry I'm nearly naked. I just got out of the shower, don't have any clothes on below the waist, am enjoying my Sunday, like my new underwear, etc, etc." My new brother also saw me completely naked this weekend. My theory: eventually, over my lifetime, everyone in my city will have seen a good portion of me without clothes on. Or at least in my underwear. I don't try to hide it. I am not ashamed. It's natural. And frankly, sometimes, my pants are just too hot.

How to have a double-F birthday

Two of the three sibling characters 

1. On birthday-eve, Challenge yourself to drink every drink people put in front of you

2. nakedly fall into bed just pre-dawn;

3. Hear people rushing the stairs (children? neighbours?) and cringe at how awkward it will be when they reveal your naked body;

4. Get ambushed by one sister and two brothers, who drove all night from Nova Scotia to surprise you, and holy shit, did they ever surprise you. Experience euphoria;

5. Eat cake and sushi all day;

6. Get phone calls from around the world from all the people you love;

7. buy yourself a dress (or two);

8. have a party;

9. do it all on Friday the 13th!

CURRENT KICK #100

Cake.

I've decided to die young.