Things Found

Please remember me, fondly, mistakenly.

chirstmas, 2009

I was going to say something about christmas, but my mind is clogged with swear words lodged in cynical diatribes. and nobody wants to read that nonsense. So I'll just eat piece of chocolate #148 (of the morning) and quietly work on taking over the world with my small army of tinfoil men.

2010: I'm going to murder you with awesomeness!**COMPLETE

This year I'm going to do it. Totally totally do IT. IT being all those things I didn't do but said I would last year. Except be a better person. That's just futile. And frankly: people who say they are good, yikes, stay away from them (rule #5).

Top 20 to-dos this year:

1. ride a rollercoaster

2. expect less

3. taste-test LOTS of wine and discover five that I love. know them by name.

4. climb a real-live mountain on another continent

5. drive to the desert. 

6. go to a strip-club (never been)

7. go to NYC: practice hunting for apartments (for when I retire and live there)

8. become awesome at high-kicks

9. and punches

10. go skiing at least twice

11. stop drinking so much (which directly conflicts with #3)

12. learn to read minds/the future, better: point out to people when I know what's going to happen before it happens. Just so I can creep them out.

13. Seriously, I'm going to really learn how to cook properly. I'm over being an adequate chef. I want to see my food give someone a mouth orgasm. 

14. do what I say I'm going to do: so yes, I'm making a cake next week. for realsies. 

15. make a fucking quilt; ask my sister to help me make a fucking quilt.

16. stop giving a shit. except about things that REALLY matter: life and death and regular bowel movements.

17. be a picture of social grace, etiquette and charm. except of course, when I feel like being a raging jackass (89% of the time-thanks new calculator).

18. love, regardless

19. GROW LONG HAIR AND TELL PEOPLE ALL ABOUT IT.  (Hair update! it can touch the tip of my nose. The last time it was this long, I lived on Robie St. in another city and listened to albums on my record player and almost took up smoking as a full-time hobby. but learned to dive in the Atlantic instead.) 

20. turn everything into a story. tell the world.

Today's Charms

Besides the fact that every single paper towel dispenser that I encountered today was empty, this was a rad day. Namely because I bought a new calculator: 

It is plastic. And gigantic. and was 9 dollars. I won't lie. I've been in a significant slump for that last two years, work-wise, and have accomplished next to nothing, but with this (above): holy crap. I'm going to get some serious workage done. Serious. Subtractions. Serious. Science. I plan to calculate stuff everywhere: on the bus; in the bathroom; while I'm waiting in line to get coffee. I also got my hands on some polaroid film! It says on the instructions that this film (779) is ideal for crime scene documentation. Step 1: find my polaroid camera. Step 2: generate crime scene. Oh what FUN! Step 3: get back to work. I swear. 87.5% probable. (I used my new calculator to calculate that.)

How to: make a memory

Decide: I don't give a shit about the Olympic Torch that is coming through town at 6:30 pm. Arrive home: 6:35 pm. Decide: hey wait! I want to see it!! Bust in the door and Yell, KIDS GET YOUR CLOTHES ON LETS GO SEE THE TORCH FASTER FASTER. Throw Lew on my shoulders, walk as fast as we can to the end of our street, repeating, we probably missed it, we probably missed it all the way. Arrive at the bottom of the street just in time to see the torch running by, and decide to Run With The Torch (with one kid on my shoulders and two running behind me) and get swept away with the crowd. Run all the way to Market Square. 

Feel Fucking Triumphant. 

Decide I'll remember this forever.

Things found

"...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..."

RAWR

Blame it on my wild heart.