CURRENT KICKs

Nachos. Candy. Lots and lots of both.

Witness number one (Cousin Heather): "Woman, we are checking you into Candy rehab." 

Rebuttal (me): "NO! Look, I can stop whenever I want to...or when the candy is all gone; whatever comes first."

Witness number two-five (pub companions): "Will this nacho-fest tide you over until next week?" And "Wow, you really eat those nachos with a PASSION!"

Rebuttal (me): "hey, hey waiter!! could I get a refill on the salsa and maybe some suicide sauce, god damn I'm hungry! I'm so happy!"   

St. Louis

Me and Sam: G&P's porch

Tomorrow's Motto

Ohhhhh myyyy God!

Find a cure, find a cure for my life.

The bullshit radar* is strong in this one

Dexter: what's in that wall panel?

Me: a time vortex spanning the universe.

Dexter: I don't believe you. It's too thin.

Me: that's the glory of the time vortex; it fits in small spaces.

Dexter: time vortexes don't exist. 

Me: how do you know? I mean really, How Do You Know?

Dexter: I've never seen one.

Me: you've never seen a zebra. Maybe they don't exist either.

Dexter: Zebras exist. they are in books.

Me: so are time vortexes.

Dexter: yeah, but that's SciFiction Mommy. 

Me: still, how do you know zebras exist and not time vortexes?

Dexter: cause people come back from trips saying they saw zebras. no one brags about seeing a time vortex.

Me: shit. you win. 

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*(he also called us bullshit-liars when it was  suggested God distributed peanut sauce and that he should call God [555.LOVE] to voice his upset that our local grocery store doesn't carry it.)

wish #18

that areoplanes flew between 12 a.m. and 6 a.m. 

flying during daytime hours is a waste of daytime (one handed typing due to potato eating with left hand)

The Joke that isn't funny, anymore

Sometimes I joke about scabies. Or, as someone incorrectly referred to it the other day in their communication "OMG, were you at the hospital cause there's a scabbies outbreak." Scabies: Is only funny until rooms are blocked off with yellow caution tape.

If I get "scabbies" I'm going to lose my shit.

I will riot in the streets. I will throw my TV out my window. I will dismantle the alarm clock.

Scabies. it's just Not funny.

Multiple Choice Test take 2

Am I:

A. Starting up a roller derby league;

B. Going to Greece for two weeks;

C. Going to see Metric in Tokyo;

D. Quitting my PhD and Moving to NYC at the end of the month.

It's not B. That's the only hint you'll get.