wish #18

that areoplanes flew between 12 a.m. and 6 a.m. 

flying during daytime hours is a waste of daytime (one handed typing due to potato eating with left hand)

The Joke that isn't funny, anymore

Sometimes I joke about scabies. Or, as someone incorrectly referred to it the other day in their communication "OMG, were you at the hospital cause there's a scabbies outbreak." Scabies: Is only funny until rooms are blocked off with yellow caution tape.

If I get "scabbies" I'm going to lose my shit.

I will riot in the streets. I will throw my TV out my window. I will dismantle the alarm clock.

Scabies. it's just Not funny.

Multiple Choice Test take 2

Am I:

A. Starting up a roller derby league;

B. Going to Greece for two weeks;

C. Going to see Metric in Tokyo;

D. Quitting my PhD and Moving to NYC at the end of the month.

It's not B. That's the only hint you'll get.

I'll be glad to be your Jerk

1. going to St. Louis Instead of Chicago
2. making my jeans tighter Instead of making deadlines
3. not giving a shit Instead of wasting time worrying
4. eating three dinners Instead of falling into a fasting kick
5. taking muscle relaxants Instead of getting a massage
6. drinking coffees Instead of sleeping
7. eating edamame Instead of candy
8. drinking tea Instead of getting drunk (5 times out of 10)
9. daydreaming Instead of sticking to reality
10. forgetting Instead of remembering

8 a.m.

Current Kick

Books by me coming to you soon. Via me.

Fun Times.

Midnight Reflections

Someday, someday soon (so soon i can almost begin to imagine it, or as if it could happen at any moment), I will live a life without diapers. Go a day without touching someone elses' (there are a few of them) poop with my bare hands. Not have to change a poopy diaper half way through a meal and immediately return to eating as if nothing ever happened. Not have to bolt upright in bed at 6:15 when someone says: "Lew took off his diaper!" Not have to freak the fuck out when I discover that we are out of diapers at some terribly inopportune time. Not have to see the food I made yesterday fully undigested and identifiable after it traversed someone else's digestive tract. I am done. I am finished. It's been nearly EIGHT years of 2-5 poopy diaper changes a day. That's a fucking long time. A post-secondary degree's worth of poop time. I'd like my diploma please. And maybe a badge. Definitely someone to make me a sandwich.