Six 6 Six 6

I love you at six.

Aberrant has no H in it

I learned this today. And now I'm super depressed. The main reason I used the word aberrant was because I thought it was mysterious and tricky and kinda hard to say: traits all due to the H. Abherant. So much more sexy and seductive with that slight hhhhhh sound after the b. Now it's just boring old aBBBerrant. Not a challenge at all. And Two Rs? Gross. I am so sad.

I went to a wedding

People wore lampshades: I cried.

I like when he does this

Curling his toes under himself

How to: Make pizza. 9 easy steps

1. take a marathon nap (3+ hours in several locations). Nap so hard try to nap even harder. Realize napping is costing 13 bucks an hour (babysitter). Stop napping.

2. notice pizza crust. start having magical fantasies about pizza. begin looking for pizza ingredients.

3. stare at canned goods for too long. find: 1 can artichoke hearts. go to corner store.

4. find: 1 bag of BBQ chips, I can tomato paste, and one friend standing on the street corner.

5. invite friend in for beer. drink beer. say goodbye to friend. return to pizza.

6. 1 pizza crust, 1 can tomato paste, dash of oregano, 1 small onion, 1 can artichoke hearts, cheese = PIZZA!

7. practice french. drunk text.

8. Pizza is ready!

9. Eat the entire thing. crack open the chips. figure I must have a tapeworm. Yay! tapeworm!

I'm dying

I'm about 90% sure of it. Signs:

1. my eyeballs hurt.

2. my knees hurt.

3. the cat keeps looking at me super creepily. like it knows something.

4. I have an urge to wear earrings. out of the blue.

5. I keep needing to eat. I find this unfair and annoying.

6. when asked how I am I say: "I feel like a concentration camp." It's as bad as it sounds.

7. cookies are not making me feel better

8. it's hard to carry my arms around. I am bored of my arms.

9. sometimes I feel hot. then lukewarm. then hot again.

10. I woke up the other night freaked out because I thought I had killed my hand by staying up too late. Luckily it had just fallen asleep.

11. I plan on filing taxes ahead of time.

Breakfast: so good.

Approximately 6:30 a.m. somewhere in K-town a half-mad woman* jacks the sound system to maximum+1 so she can have coffee in peace. Children run amok.

_________________________

*me

Sometimes things are too funny

1. plan a random trip to paris. random volcano erupts. laugh when all the planes are grounded and airspace around the world is closed down.

2. forget to renew plates on the car. laugh when the owner is pulled over and also has an expired driver's license and insurance.

3. wake up at five:45 a.m. to a savage almost-four-year-old wearing a sagging diaper, a barky stick between his teeth, yelling and grunting like a wild animal.

4. register 62 woman for a roller derby league. with zero knowledge of how to run such a thing. ha. haha. Practice #1: the day I'm supposed to fly to Paris. Plan to have future me figure that shit out.

5. walk home with an arm full of wine and think: I really want to get drunk with myself tonight. proceed to do so. enjoy it. fully. cause really if you can't have a good time hanging out with yourself, what's the point.

Happenings

Dex turns Eight! Personal epiphany: Only old people have eight year olds. To celebrate I introduced Cream Soda to him and his eight friends while they double-fisted cake and cheesies. "It tastes like Heaven!" they exclaimed, with the enthusiasm of a yet-to-be addict's first hit of heroin. I was going to pour it over ice cream and introduce them to "Floats" but I thought I'd save that trick for when Dex turns Nine. Maybe I'll need a walker by then.

Things Found

This! Listen. It's lovely.

On Not Being Jewish

Today I am making Brisket in some sort of homage to Easter. Or Passover. Not sure. Gotta work on this ignorance thing.

Beer. Lawn chair. Pavement. Lew.

Right NOW

Dex is reading aloud to his two brothers and his best friend. I think I feel: Pride. Could be gas.

MIA

When I had resurfaced someone asked: "where the hell have you been?"

The short answer is: here!

Obviously.

But that's no fun. So, What Have I been Up To?

1. doing science: talking science, writing science, planing science, brown nosing with science, getting a little beaten up and raped by science.

2. sleeping: sometime for many hours in a row

3. planning: the first season of roller derby, Paris 2010, Burning Man, what I'm going to wear to other peoples' weddings

4. inventing: working on a "hand-job machine" for less than 50 bucks to give as a gift.

4. socializing (aka, drinking)

5. trying to get my hair cut

6. trying to grow it out long

7. trying not to do anything rash and irrational

8. wondering if lew will EVER FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY be toilet trained. sheesh.

9. Once I was hung over.

10. looking for the perfect pair of jeggings.

11. and sometimes, just hiding.