I got home from the lab too late last night (was it 2 a.m.? I don't know) and promptly fell asleep on the couch. At 5:30 in the fucking a dot m dot, I am awakened by the sound that I can only imagine is a huge flock of extremely angry seagulls gang fighting each other with knives and guns over my garbage, outside my open window. This continued for what felt like infinity, or at least until the lead-footed three-year-old speed-junkie was awakened from his slumber (by the birds) and did his morning gymnastics routine which sounded like a jackhammer dismantling the second floor. Which was all well and good cause I moved to a quieter room. But then the garbage trucks. They started driving. Two or three came by with their screechy break stops every two minutes. At this point I decided it was time to get up. Today I did not like garbage day.
Some days are just weird. Some days make me wonder: Am I Crazy? in a panicked, tunnel vision, sort of "oh my god, maybe this is a true self actualization" moment. Today was just one of those days. For three reasons:
Odd Event #1. A hairless, shirtless running man with shorts way way too short (so short that when the wind blew, I saw things I should not have seen), who ran up to me while I was ordering food from the chip truck and said "it's okay, I'm just running to HERE." Huh?
Questions I was left with: Was that the coming of God? Did I fail the test? Did I just completely blow him off as a near-naked weirdo? Would the 21st century God be hairless like the women in 21st century porn? Should I have high fived him when I saw his naked left bum check?
Odd Event #2. Everyone in the grocery store fell into one of three categories: a) had Crazy Eyes that made me think "CHRIST! look away, LOOK A-WAY." b) was handicapped in an understated yet creepy kinda way c) was a midget. And I thought: this is TOO outlandish I must be mad! I decided to look again, have an unbiased second opinion. Nope. Everyone looked loopy, mostly off centre and completely too small.
Odd Event #3. The tail-less squirrel that lopped across my path.
At this point, having spent a total of 30 minutes in the public domain today, I was 85% certain, that something, something, was up and probably out to fuck with me.
And that's when it occurred to me: I've lost my mind cause only people who are mad think like that. So I went home and made super and pretended like everything was normal.
Tonight I booked a weekend adventure for four (me and three children for three days) to Nova Scotia. That would be this weekend. And no, I'm not particularly rich, but it feels like it as tickets were retardedly cheap. And when I say retardedly, I mean I'm pretty sure someone at the airline forgot to carry the one, or forgot the "required rape charge" that is the airport fee or was disgruntled and decided to fuck with the airline by under charging everyone. Am I excited? Hells yeah. And afraid. About 70% afraid.