I'll be glad to be your Jerk

1. going to St. Louis Instead of Chicago
2. making my jeans tighter Instead of making deadlines
3. not giving a shit Instead of wasting time worrying
4. eating three dinners Instead of falling into a fasting kick
5. taking muscle relaxants Instead of getting a massage
6. drinking coffees Instead of sleeping
7. eating edamame Instead of candy
8. drinking tea Instead of getting drunk (5 times out of 10)
9. daydreaming Instead of sticking to reality
10. forgetting Instead of remembering