Tell Me: #15

What should I do (please, I have absolutely no drive to decide on my own):

 

Real tree versus Fake tree?

Real tree pros: it's real and smelly and it's realness is its fun-ness cause it's real fun to have a tree that's real. And fun. And disposably fun and real-ly disposable. 

Fake tree pros: it's fake and it's clean and it's not real so imaginary? Like santa: so, in the spirit?  meh. But it's clean and plastic-y and plastic-y clean and storable and reusable. 

Someone told me they hate people like me (or potential future me), who buy fake christmas trees. So there is also THAT to consider. 

Note to all four yous: we used to have a little living tree as our xmas tree until I neglected it to death last year. (Asshole score: 6/10). 

december to-do list

1. make cookies

2. have spontaneous parties at my kitchen table with all kinds of people

3. buy as little as possible

4. be more accepting of all the assholes in the world

5. try to be less of an asshole

6. drink moderately at least some of the time

7. avoid parades

8. teach lew that poop-play does not win you friends (at this rate he'll have a shit fetish by the time he's eight)

9. buy candy canes

10. finish my clone prototype

11. get my shit together

12. plan a faux vacation

13. buy some socks

14. do as little as possible

15. start not doing stuff tomorrow

Current KICK #7880

Compulsively listening to the same song over and over and over and over again, making the people in my world happy headphones were invented. 

Parenting milestone #6(?): Emergency Surgery

Pros of hospital life:

1. near complete isolation (we weren't even allowed out of the room for the first three days): a break from the stresses of my life which include people, work/school, daily tasks like eating, bathing and cleaning. A chance to reflect and get my shit together. I really hope I get my shit together.  

2. One-on-one time with Lew for 23 hours a day (I get to leave for about an hour to forage for food and clean myself).

3. Cable TV! Galore. 

4. It's cold outside but I don't have to feel it!

5. I'm improving my text messaging skills.

6. They bring meals (for Lew anyway).

7. free coffee!

8. I get to sleep in until 8.

Cons of hospital life:

1. No access to facebook. Big Brother thinks it's a Bad Thing, a Time Waster even, and has the site blocked. 

2. Oh right, my super sick baby.

3. I'm only eating chocolate and coffee.

4. I've officially missed EVERY deadline I ever had. I'm probably going to get fired/kicked out/go to jail.

5. I sleep on things made of plastic. 

6. Student nurses who talk baby talk, pull him out of bed when I'm trying to get him to nap, who hover, who insist on doing procedures (like blood pressure) because "it's what's expected of them".  

7. My near constant institution-induced headache.

8. the IV that is ALWAYS going off. Day and Night. Mostly between 1-5 a.m. 

I think we're in here for the weekend. Although we may get a Day Pass, for a few hours. The little guy is doing better. Phew.

Snap-shots of the future

Driving to Loblaws (a grocery store), 4:45 pm, me and six-year-old Dex, our conversation:

D: "How do people get married?"

Me: "Well, they go to a church, say a bunch of words about forevers, and then sign some papers."

D:  "How do you know who to marry?"

Me: "Well, you find one person you really like and who you think you can spend the rest of your life with. And you have a little faith that you're choosing The Right Person."

D:  "Finding one person. That sounds Really Hard."

Me: "Yeah, it is."

D: "I don't want to get married...What I really want to know, is how you get a credit card...."

Jesus.

CURRENT KICK #5567

Condiments. I do not lie. I was trying to google search a word that started with 'c' yesterday and instead wrote the word condiments. They are on my mind. What the hell is wrong with me? So I went and got a veggie dog (a $2.75 condiment vehicle) from the chip truck on the street. I'm afraid of myself. Is this a form of pica? 

On my mind.

Craving #3457, 3458, 3459

A couch to flop on.

A TV to stare at.

Someone to make me dinner.