Thursday, July 16, 2009

Observations

Some days are just weird. Some days make me wonder: Am I Crazy? in a panicked, tunnel vision, sort of "oh my god, maybe this is a true self actualization" moment. Today was just one of those days. For three reasons:

Odd Event #1. A hairless, shirtless running man with shorts way way too short (so short that when the wind blew, I saw things I should not have seen), who ran up to me while I was ordering food from the chip truck and said "it's okay, I'm just running to HERE." Huh? 

Questions I was left with: Was that the coming of God? Did I fail the test? Did I just completely blow him off as a near-naked weirdo? Would the 21st century God be hairless like the women in 21st century porn? Should I have high fived him when I saw his naked left bum check?

Odd Event #2. Everyone in the grocery store fell into one of three categories: a) had Crazy Eyes that made me think "CHRIST! look away, LOOK A-WAY." b) was handicapped in an understated yet creepy kinda way c) was a midget. And I thought: this is TOO outlandish I must be mad! I decided to look again, have an unbiased second opinion. Nope. Everyone looked loopy, mostly off centre and completely too small. 

Odd Event #3. The tail-less squirrel that lopped across my path. 

At this point, having spent a total of 30 minutes in the public domain today, I was 85% certain, that something, something, was up and probably out to fuck with me.

And that's when it occurred to me: I've lost my mind cause only people who are mad think like that. So I went home and made super and pretended like everything was normal.

4 comments:

Brato said...

All of those events are completely and rationally explainable:
#3. Squirrels without tails are common in your part of the country. Their tails get either bitten of by other animals (mostly carnivores, sometimes uglier but jealus mammals or birds), driven of by cars or bicycles, cut off by trophy hunters (fox-replacement) or they are simply born without tail.
#2. The human race offers a great variety. That makes for weirdos, dwarfs and other seemingly crazy persons. Often they are just impostors though, hoping for a television career with their own tv show.
#1. He was just running THERE. He just told you that in order to explain his intentions. Being aware of his current appearance he just wanted to make sure you weren't scared of him (Reason for his appearance: see #2).
I'm sorry I kind of pulled the rug out from under your self-exploration-moments-manifestation-experience-thing. You were probably just more aware of your surroundings than ususal.

Brato said...

Ohmygod, I sound like an egocentric know-it-all.
ah well.
who cares.

Unknown said...

I think your alcohol level are low!!

Brato said...

That's right. Fortunately I found out where the local "unofficial pharmacy" is. So all my other levels are normal.