Today's Motto

All good things must come to an end.

Today

Just spent the last 15 minutes talking about Uranus. And why it's funny. And every time they said it, they laughed. And ended the conversation with Dex: "I'm going to pooto" and Neville "well, I'm going to Uranus." Sigh.

CURRENT KICK

Eating Crumbing stuff in bed. First it was chips. Tonight: crackers. It feels good. Really very good.

Today's Motto

It's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright.

1000 sounds of mealtime with children

1. Whining: "I don't like it; Lew is showing his food! I'm not hungry. This is gross. When I grow up I'm going to be a vegetarian!"

2. Asking: as soon as I sit down for "more," a drink, a cloth to clean up hands or a spill.

3. Smacking lips and slurping.

4. Me and my own nagging voice: "sit down! sit still. Eat with your mouth closed. Do I look like your slave? Your legs are not broken. Take your plates to the kitchen if you are done. I hear smacking lips!"

5. Words like Poop. Bum. Fart. Penis.

6. The Cat meowing.

.....X 166.6667.

An Open Letter To Daylight Savings

This happens every year: I get used to waking up at dawn, start to like it even, look forward to continuing doing it, get used to having so much awake time in the mornings to get shit done and then BHAM! You Jerk. You mug me in the night and leave me for dead and I wake up feeling like I've slept in a gutter after having passed out from a brutal beating (although I think my exact words this morning on the telephone with my mother were: "it feels my my head has been kicked in and someone took a shit in my eye." Sorry Mom.). And I never see it coming. Someone told me at 10 pm last night "don't forget, we lose an hour!" and I was all "WHAT? THE? Fuck. Shit. GodDamn!" It takes me around two months for my body to figure out this loss of time. So long barf-free early morning work outs. So long relatively pleasant early morning me. Oh, and the children! I haven't forgotten the children. I just don't want to talk about it. That's it. I'm moving to Saskatchewan.

Conversations

Dumb porn star solves a complex trig problem in response to online fan question:

Amazed, Smart Porn Star says "Wow! You could get a PhD you know."

Dumb porn star responds, "I know. that's why I get tested twice a year."

Dumb porn star leans in close to the camera: "Nobody thinks it can happen to them, but anyone can get a Phd.* Make sure you get tested. Thank you."

_____________________

*here's hoping that's the case.