Just Now

I've made myself breakfast: yummy eggs and toast. I sit down to eat. JUST THEN Lew runs up covered in something: oh my god you're covered in liquid shit! Call for help. Try to return to breakfast. JUST THEN cat runs upstairs and starts barfing right at my feet. Decide to never eat again.

Side effects

Two days in a row of working out 6 a.m. = 5 p.m. hallucinations and asking strange questions like: Who just poured the milk? Was it me? I don't remember. I could have also just been sleeping with my eyes open. Again.

Fight Club

Oh. My. God. So. Tonight I went to my kicking and punching classes but this time, I fought a guy. And he punched me in the face. And I got to punch him in the face (though, he was much better at blocking my jabs so I never REALLY connected). And then he kicked the shit out of me and then I got to kick the shit out of him (um, less so cause I'm smaller and far less experienced). If you look deep into my eyes you will see puppies humping rainbows. I'm that happy. Sore. A little bruised. And kinda questioning my mind. But content.

Questions

There are some questions I hear Everyday, many times a day. Let me share them with you.

1. Is it Friday today? How many days until Friday?

2. Is today March Break? When is March Break?

3. Did you pack my lunch?

4. Where's Daddy? Where's Dexter? Where's Neville?

5. Where are my mittens/hat/boots/blankie/underwear/pants?

6. Can I play?

7. I'm hungry. Can I have some food?

8. Is it time to go to school?

9. Can I go downstairs?

10. Can I hold your hand?

How to: Make bad decisions.

Have someone say: Let's meet at the gym tomorrow at 5 pm! Have me counter with: that's when I deal with children! How about Early morning? What time does the gym open? Plan to meet people at the gym at 6 a.m. At 4 p.m. in the afternoon this is an awesome idea as I don't need sleep. I'll never feel tired.

Note: The only time I got up and went for a run at 6 a.m. my body was all "you are a fucking jerk, this is the worst idea you've ever had...running? c'mon! no. wrong. I refuse to participate in this activity." I'm going to barf on everyone, I know it. Then cry. And call them really terrible names. That's what happened the last time I interfaced with the public before 7:30 a.m. And the worst part? I suppose I have to go to bed early. Sigh.

This was perhaps a terrible idea. I'm going to bed. I hate tomorrow.

Postscript: well, because I knew I had to wake up at 5:59 for my 6 am work out, I woke up at 4. Be PREPARED! On the plus side, it seems better to be up before the kids rather than have them pull you (kicking and screaming) out of bed. AND I've already accomplished something, technically while I was sleeping. Bad Idea turning into Good Idea? We'll see.

Shout Out

Alright, this is for my townie friends:

Join my Brand *NEW* Roller Derby League! Skate DATE: Last week of April.

For ALL the information you need to come and play too,

email: kingstonrollergirls@gmail.com

It will be rad. I promise you.

When Men Leave Town

When the men leave town all hell breaks loose. It is always this way for me. Maybe it's because the children then really outnumber the left behind parent (if you have three children) and the universe gets testy/bored/excited and wonders What If? What if I break down her car or give everyone mouthal and anal vomiting (all at once) or make a blizzard at -40 degrees or loose her keys or maybe a pregnancy scare? Everyone loves those. Anyway, I survived my recent abandonment, I mean, single parenting experience (barely). But my neighbour: her husband is not even gone 12 hours and she is calling me with an emergency! Seriously universe...c'mon. And while we wait for the ambulance I'm thinking, sweet lord jesus, no one is sleeping in my house tonight, all Five Children that I'm now responsible for. Might as well roast a chicken. So much for not drinking today.

UPDATE: kid's got Croup. Damn that dirty jerk Croup.