Tell me: my birthday

My 32nd birthday is coming up next month (a Friday the 13th no less). How should I celebrate? 

Tell me of your perfect idea of a birthday or something you've never done and would like to do or as many wacky things you can imagine doing in one day...

The Stomach Flu: 2009

1. Fuck.

2. I hate the stomach flu.

3. I hate other people's vomit

4. Especially when it's sprayed all over any surface or there is a trail of it from a bed all the way to a bathroom.

5. How it's only a matter of time before they all eventually start puking.

6. The 100% likelihood that I'm going to be barfing my brains out sometime in the very near future. 

7. the 48 hours symptom-free-before-they-can-return-to-daycare policy. If only this policy actually kept kids from getting sick (exhibit A: Neville).

8. today I hate my life

9. I'll probably hate it tomorrow too

UPDATE:

And I did hate tomorrow: within hours of each other, we all started puking. Save Lew, he got his vomit-on today. The house is a total post-puke mess: 10 loads of laundry, mountains of dishes, extremely dirty bathrooms. Terrible. At least I'll have two days to clean it: with the 48-hour symptom free policy and all. 

Parenting Milestone #8: Chin split.

Rolled into the house to be greeted by Lew covered in blood. The In-Charge parent was making dinner (YAY In-Charge parent) when Lew split his chin in an unseen fall (he falls at least 400 times a day, no lie). It was fairly deep and very long: like an inch (that's for all you Americans out there). We live next to the hospital. But it was cold, and it was dinner-time. And someone else had cooked it. I really did not feel like going to the ER. Even if it's free (try not to be jealous).

This kid Can Not keep anything on his body (he's a picker) so bandages/steri-strips are useless and I'm certain he would pick out stitches. I thought the ER would be a pointless venture, quickly undone. So in an effort to save the day, I decided to do a little DIY home first aide.

Step one: don't make it worse. So I called my friend the plastic-surgeon, told her I was going to the drug store for super-glue and what did she think of my plan? She told me to call if I had any concerns. Me? Concerns? Let's just say, he's going to have a scar. Trying to super-glue a 2.5 year-old's face back together is like trying to build a paper model with wet noddles for fingers. In the end we just let it scab over. This child WILL have battle scars from his youth. That is certain.

Hooligans on vacation

Hurricane Lew

 

I CAN'T KEEP

THIS BLOG TO MYSELF ANYMORE!

I LOVE THIS BLOG!

THIS BLOG MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A WINNER!!

I WANT TO BE THIS BLOG!

YAY FOR THIS BLOG!

2009: the year of the better person

I won't lie: 2008 was not my best year. After a relaxing, indulgent holiday, I feel like 2009 is going to be the year that I become the fantastic person I've always meant to be. Or at least be a person who is slightly more mentally stable. Or hopefully not become even more of an asshole person. Here is a vague outline of my plan (which sadly is mostly an elaboration of last year's list):

1. acquire new skillz. mad skillz. skillz that contribute to my enjoyment of life and that I can turn out at parties. my current top two: perfect the handstand and learn to play guitar. juggling fire is definitely is next!

2. break every one of my current habits. these include, drinking coffee (I've already stopped and have experienced fewer emotional breakdowns, murderous rages, and 4p.m. floor pacings), laziness and procrastination, being an asshole, spending money on stupid things, getting in fights, picking my nose, binge drinking.

3. implement new habits, good habits, habits that will help me live until I'm 99 while continuing to look 29: flossing my teeth, taking my vitamins, moisturizing, sleeping, working (hard), meditating, yoga-izing, volunteering, eating regularly, and recycling. (holy fuck I'm going to be an amazing person!)

4. I'm going to run: I did so well last year until my music-maker died. That was last march. I'm going to run something (like a baby-marathon) someday, somewhere. I promise!

5. do more fun stuff. include the kids. fun stuff that's free. and super fun.

6. cook. become a MASTER chef. win friends and become famous.

7. be a better parent. It's going to be hard because I'm terribly selfish. recognize and foster the kids' skillz. kiss them lots. feed them occasionally. 

8. learn how to wear fake eye lashes.

9. stop neglecting the cat.